You should never feel that someone is trying to use you after expressing that your aren’t interested in simply being present for physical intimacy. You should never mistake sexual enthusiasm for shared emotional effort.
At Chyrpe, we talk a lot about balance between play and intention, flirtation, boundaries, pleasure and care. However, a lot of women feel, but don’t report, someone who isn’t offering anything but… their body.
Yes, we are talking about the men who say they want to be led in a relationship, but really want you to have an arsenal of equipment only. We see you.
Let’s be clear: submissive ≠ passive, so asking for a dominant partner doesn’t mean handing her a chore list, clocking out, and (a term we KNOW you know) “pillow princess-ing.” Let’s break down the signs that the energy is not reciprocal, and why your dominance should always be respected, not mined.
He can’t keep his mind off ONE thing
You suggested lunch, a museum, OR an honest cup of coffee, but somehow he’s circling back to butt plugs for the third time today.
When the entire interaction hinges on his fantasy and none of it includes your pace, comfort, or consent, it’s not submissiveness. It’s just performative kink thirst.
A man who wants a real connection in a female-led dynamic should also want to appropriately and respectfully talk about the subject. If your only role in his mind is sexual, it’s time to unclutter your energy.
You feel like you’re at... work?!
You’re steering the convo, deflecting the weird energy, being polite, staying safe, setting boundaries—and still trying to see if he’s actually worth your time.
Ladies, if this feels like you’re managing someone’s expectations more than you're enjoying the moment, you’re not flirting, some said it felt like unpaid labor.
You’re exhausted
This one is super easy. If you’re coming away from chats, calls, dates feeling tired, annoyed, or second-guessing yourself, then you're not in a dynamic. We don’t want you to feel that you’re in a one-sided exchange.
Your dominance should make you feel expressive, respected, energized, and guess what? Safe to rest**!** If he wants to be led, he won’t just offer fantasies and water emojis.
The right kind of submissive partner isn't just waiting to be told what to do. He’s curious about what you want, enthusiastic about your pleasure, and invested in building something intentional together. Also, if someone on Chyrpe makes you feel like you’re being used, not seen—let us know. This is a space for dominant women. First.
